Sometimes you just want to fix that computer problem on your own. I mean, after all, why hire a professional to fix your plumbing? You can totally do it yourself. What could go wrong?!? The same logic must apply to your computer.
Here are the top 10 steps to get you going on your IT self-help journey.
1. Deny there is a problem
Denial is a strong force, and something you should frequently practice. Like with most problems, denying there is a problem with your computer should eventually make the problem go away.
2. Talk sternly to your computer
Just like with your pet, sometimes you need to let your computer know you are in charge. We recommend using your sternest voice to tell your computer you do not appreciate what it is doing. This approach will be even more effective if you also shake your finger at it. Surely it will behave properly after a good talking to because that always works with everything else!
3. Bargain with your computer
As all parents know, bargaining with misbehaving children is a winning strategy, so you should do the same with your computer. Unlike your children, your computer probably won’t want to get ice cream for behaving properly. As an alternative, consider offering it something like a good cleaning, or maybe a nice and shiny new keyboard and mouse. Bribery…err…we mean, bargaining, is a sure-fire way to make sure your disobedient computer starts behaving as it should.
4. Download helpful programs
If nothing else has worked, now is the time to type your problem into your favorite search engine and see what comes up. Clicking on the first item that appears in the search results and following whatever they say to do is almost guaranteed to make things better. Don’t worry if your computer or anti-virus warns you that the software you are trying to install could harm your computer. That is obviously your computer putting up a last-minute fight to prevent you from fixing it! There is no way they would allow anything malicious on the internet! This step fixes 90% of the problems 60% of the time according to 30% of the people on the 10% of anonymous internet forums.
5. Consult with the nearest person under the age of 30
If you are still having problems, find the nearest person under the age of 30 and ask them for help. Surely any random person under the age of 30 should be able to get your computer working properly. After all, they’ve been around computers their entire lives. That must make them a complete and total expert on everything computer related!
6. Give your computer a timeout
If you’ve tried the first five things and your computer is still as mutinous as a bunch of scurvy dogs on a yearlong sea voyage when everyone is starving to death, then you should give it a good time out (after you count to three of course). Here is a fun and little-known factoid: computers don’t like being put in timeout, and they will almost always cave and start behaving when threatened with one. If you have a particularly hard-headed computer (e.g., one that would remind you of one of my children), then you might need to have a designated time out corner due to frequent use.
7. Serenade your computer
Sometimes your computer is just being stubborn because it just needs a little love. If you have made it this far into the list, we recommend singing. The power of song to correct moods and behavior is well documented. A good rendition of The Internet’s “Dontcha” can do wonders (or whatever love song you would prefer). After your computer hears how much it means to you, it will want nothing more than to please you and act as it should.
8. Don’t really have anything here
So, we really could only come up with 9 things, but having this article as the top 9 things just seemed odd. So, just use your imagination and see what happens.
9. Accept the problem as a feature
Maybe the problem isn’t with the computer. Maybe the problem is YOU! Did you stop to think that the thing “going wrong” with your computer may be the way the people who programmed the software wanted it to be? Maybe they want your computer to crash every 15 minutes. Maybe they want big messages to pop up about IRQ violations. Once you accept that the “problem” really is just a neat feature, you will find your life filled with way less stress and anger and way more rainbows and unicorns.
10. Beat the computer with a baseball bat
Let’s face it. If you have tried everything else, then it is probably time to just go full Office Space on the [insert your favorite expletive here] thing with a baseball bat. Now, this won’t solve the underlying issue, but it sure will make you feel better. At least until you realize you didn’t back up your data, and now you’ve lost everything.
If you’ve decided that maybe the self-help route is not the way you want to go, then give us here at Sawyer Solutions a shout. We specialize in helping small and medium-sized businesses and non-profits with their technology and cyber-security needs. Call us at 844-448-7767. Operators are standing by!